In yoga class the other day, I noticed this particularly gorgeous girl with an equally gorgeous body and I thought to myself, “How does she do it?”
I wasn’t so much intrigued by how she stayed slim and fit as much as I was about how easily she moved her body despite the onlookers. She flaunted it you could even say. Men and women alike noticed her, and she displayed each pose like a pro no matter how contorted or twisted she was, thereby revealing even the most intimate parts at times.
Of course, she’s not the only woman on earth who’s not ashamed to show herself off, and lucky for her it’s not an issue. But for others, it’s a major issue, as it always was for me.
I grew up in an unsafe environment, emotionally, physically and sexually, and although I was never in fact sexually abused (some incidents remain suspect), there was always that threat, and as a young child and teenager, I sensed the danger. My subconscious was always on high alert, ready for attack, and had enlisted a list of ways to protect myself that only my adolescent mind could devise.
The physical abuse in my house was rampant, even for the slightest infraction, so there was a real threat of abuse. However, coupled with the perversity of an unhealthy male role model, I never felt safe to show myself off for fear of any negative repercussions, so I found unhealthy ways not to, such as weight gain, that followed me well into adulthood.
I was too immature and too confused to know better, and simply trying to survive in a situation that I didn’t know a way out of, and since your subconscious mind’s job serves one purpose and one purpose only – preservation – you do whatever you have to do to do just that.
Most 14-year-old girls aren’t emotionally strong enough, nor do they have a clue, how to use their minds to protect their bodies. They don’t know what to say, how to say it, or possess the confidence it requires to get someone to back off, so what’s a girl to do?
Whatever makes sense in the moment.
I unconsciously figured that since men are only attracted to really attractive women, I’d make myself unattractive, because who wants someone who’s overweight anyways? We know that’s not really true, but as a girl, I didn’t. I thought all my self-worth was tied up in my looks, and being fat would be my secret survival weapon.
When you’re in it, you don’t realize it. You just do, or act, in whatever way makes the most sense to you at the time, and I got the message that being thin was way too scary because it would attract a lot of attention from people I didn’t want it from, so anytime I got anywhere close to it, all the red flags went up, the warning signs sounded, and I gained weight.
If I had lost it, I gained it back, and if I hadn’t just dieted, I just gained weight period, which set me on a perpetual cycle of gain/lose gain/lose for over 30 years.
(Ironically, my excess weight always accumulated in my abs, presumably to protect my most vulnerable areas.)
Not having any understanding around any of this led to feelings of worthlessness, believing in my lack of willpower, and a rampage of self-criticism, which didn’t help matters. Instead of using my mind for forward momentum, it became my worst enemy, further forcing me to believe that I was in fact a pathetic loser like I’d been taught, thereby compounding an already weakened and deteriorated mindset that was far from connected to reality about my body and what it meant to be my natural shape.
Having no other choice, my wounded psyche settled on all it knew to do, which was to use my body as my weapon, but not in a cool, secret agent kind of way unfortunately. Instead, I built up a protective suit of armor of fat that was intended to deter any unwanted advances, and it worked.
Externally, I hated myself. Internally, my green light was off. There was no pillow talk for me, which suited me just fine. And the more fat I had, the safer I felt. No one wants a fat chick I reasoned yet all the while I blamed myself for my lack of willpower and inability to control my eating. It didn’t even help when I dated someone that was safe. All men carried too great a risk in my mind.
It wasn’t until my mind matured and I felt more certain that I controlled my circumstances did I call a cease fire and finally end the cycle of abuse. All the diets in the world would have never solved the riddle of why my weight kept fluctuating all those years because it had nothing to do with counting calories. The issue was clearly much deeper than that and demanded a thorough interrogation that only I could uncover.
[bctt tweet=”Had I never realized it, I’d still be feeling like a failure when it came to my weight.”]
Understanding the hidden reasons why your weight won’t budge is required in order to have even the slightest chance of living a naturally thin lifestyle. When you’re ready to peel back the layers and uproot the blocks that have stood between you and your ideal body, the breakthroughs come in waves, which makes it much easier to apply everything you already know about eating right and exercising.
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Much Love,
Angela
Angela Minelli is an author, speaker and founder of Angela Minelli International, a heart-based global business serving purpose-driven everyday women and entrepreneurs whose self-image and weight issues are inhibiting their confidence and blocking them from pursuing their life’s passion.
Angela's joy is in taking a stand for women who are living less than ideal lives, stopped by fear and doubt, which prevents them from stepping into their innate power and delivering their God-given genius to the world. Her coaching programs and products are designed for women with busy lifestyles yet allow for powerful transformation to take place within a small segment of time.
As a natural health practitioner and digestive health specialist, Angela specializes in helping people overcome weight and energy issues through holistic, non-invasive protocols that address the root cause of their conditions, including adrenal fatigue, candida, thyroid disorders, and more.
Explore the ideals that are the cornerstone of her work at angelaminelli.com.